Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
I think someone traded babys
Remi has changed so much in the last week that I feel someone has traded me babys!!
He used to HATE tummy time. Within seconds of laying on his tummy he would scream - now, the only way he falls asleep for bed time is on his tummy **we do NOT leave him on his tummy** We let him fall asleep on his tummy then as soon as he's out, we turn him over onto his back. Even nap time the last 2 days have took place on his belly.
He's been nursing great these last two day BUT today I noticed he doesn't drool anymore and his mouth is super dry. He was also really fussy today AND had two hard poop diapers. One was like super thick and the next one was an actual hard ball. I'm wondering if my milk isn't enough hydration for him hence why he prefers bottle over boob! Any thoughts/experience on this??
And again- he's starting to fall asleep better on his own, without all the crying.
Everyday is an experience....and I love it!
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| Playing PS2 with my boy! |
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Guess What????
ZERO BOTTLES TODAY!!!!!! ZERO!!!!!!!!! I'm SO proud of my baby boy!! He latched and fed so well today!
As for sleep- well we were at Aunt and Uncles house so he slept in my arms...but it was a nice feeling to cuddle with him again like that. We will be starting again tomorrow to teach him to fall asleep on his own.
On a different note:
---I fell today.......WHILE HOLDING REMI! I was walking and stepped up on a brick ledge and the brick flipped up and I came tumbling down on the cement, bricks and rocks. I managed to hold Remi tight to my body, cover his head with my hands and land on my side and elbows, taking the full brunt of the fall. After hitting the ground, I ended up rolling over on Remi. But somehow, He only has a few scrapes/scratches on his legs and head but he is just fine. He cried but I think it scared him plus he heard my screaming and crying. I was yelling "REMI REMI REMI REMI" -- just terrified that he was hurt. Mike (and everyone else) came running towards me and all I could say was "TAKE REMI - HE HIT HIS HEAD" They looked him over in the house and he had stopped crying by then and was actually smiling. I, on the other hand, am pretty banged up. My elbow was skinned raw, my other arm has tons of scrapes, my right leg has huge bruises and scrapes and I'm pretty sure I broke two of my toes which also have huge gashes on them. I am just sooooo glad Remi didn't get hurt-- I'm now terrified of walking outside with him.
So its been a good day, with a scary incident, but a good day.
As for sleep- well we were at Aunt and Uncles house so he slept in my arms...but it was a nice feeling to cuddle with him again like that. We will be starting again tomorrow to teach him to fall asleep on his own.
On a different note:
---I fell today.......WHILE HOLDING REMI! I was walking and stepped up on a brick ledge and the brick flipped up and I came tumbling down on the cement, bricks and rocks. I managed to hold Remi tight to my body, cover his head with my hands and land on my side and elbows, taking the full brunt of the fall. After hitting the ground, I ended up rolling over on Remi. But somehow, He only has a few scrapes/scratches on his legs and head but he is just fine. He cried but I think it scared him plus he heard my screaming and crying. I was yelling "REMI REMI REMI REMI" -- just terrified that he was hurt. Mike (and everyone else) came running towards me and all I could say was "TAKE REMI - HE HIT HIS HEAD" They looked him over in the house and he had stopped crying by then and was actually smiling. I, on the other hand, am pretty banged up. My elbow was skinned raw, my other arm has tons of scrapes, my right leg has huge bruises and scrapes and I'm pretty sure I broke two of my toes which also have huge gashes on them. I am just sooooo glad Remi didn't get hurt-- I'm now terrified of walking outside with him.
So its been a good day, with a scary incident, but a good day.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
*GOAL UPDATE*
NURSING:--- ONE BOTTLE today!! WOOO!!!! I am so proud of myself (and Remi). We've come a long way this week. He's nursed super well today and only took the one bottle this morning.
Boobie Milk: 5 Bottle: 1
SLEEP: He slept all nigh!t He fell asleep on his own in the swing for his morning nap! *YAY! No crying :) * but when it came to his afternoon nap around 3pm - he cried and cried and cried. I picked him up to comfort him and he fell right to sleep in my arms. I am guilty to say that I needed a nap too so I just let him sleep with me. Although, my nap lasted about an hour - I was able to leave him asleep and he finally woke from his nap around 8pm! Yea...it was long (and late) but we let him sleep 'cause his naps for the last 2 days haven't been that long. Hes a growing baby- no harm in letting him sleep :) I just hope he isn't up all night.
I'm so proud of my boy! He's learning so fast!
Boobie Milk: 5 Bottle: 1
SLEEP: He slept all nigh!t He fell asleep on his own in the swing for his morning nap! *YAY! No crying :) * but when it came to his afternoon nap around 3pm - he cried and cried and cried. I picked him up to comfort him and he fell right to sleep in my arms. I am guilty to say that I needed a nap too so I just let him sleep with me. Although, my nap lasted about an hour - I was able to leave him asleep and he finally woke from his nap around 8pm! Yea...it was long (and late) but we let him sleep 'cause his naps for the last 2 days haven't been that long. Hes a growing baby- no harm in letting him sleep :) I just hope he isn't up all night.
I'm so proud of my boy! He's learning so fast!
Another GREAT update!!
UPDATE ON SLEEP--- Its going GRRRRRREAT!!!!!! Nap time was a bust - kinda. I was at my sisters so his schedule was a little 'off' BUT-- after about 20 mins of crying, he feel asleep. BED TIME--- was excellent!!! NO CRYING AT ALLLLLL!!! He went to sleep right away! WOO!
UPDATE ON NURSING- He's been nursing great today..although we did have to give 2 bottles - once after his nap and once in the eveing (we were at a friends house so maybe being out of his 'home' distracted him?). But hey-- He didn't 'increase' in bottles - its still only 2 (like yesterday), rather then 3 or 4 or 5....so I consider it improvement. And again, I'm taking Fenugreek and rather then having to nurse both sides during one feeding, I'm only having to nurse on one side and he's full!! YAY! This stuff works! I love it.....besides smelling like celery and maple syrup :)
Things are going great! I'm super proud of myself...this is harder then I thought but its sooo great to see it actually work!
UPDATE ON NURSING- He's been nursing great today..although we did have to give 2 bottles - once after his nap and once in the eveing (we were at a friends house so maybe being out of his 'home' distracted him?). But hey-- He didn't 'increase' in bottles - its still only 2 (like yesterday), rather then 3 or 4 or 5....so I consider it improvement. And again, I'm taking Fenugreek and rather then having to nurse both sides during one feeding, I'm only having to nurse on one side and he's full!! YAY! This stuff works! I love it.....besides smelling like celery and maple syrup :)
Things are going great! I'm super proud of myself...this is harder then I thought but its sooo great to see it actually work!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
**UPDATE on my goals**
GOAL NUMBER ONE - sleep - UPDATE -
Things are going great!!! Remi didn't take a long nap today so by the time it was bed time, he was ready. We did our usual night routine: bath, read books, listen to music and then lights out. He loved the bath- we played and talked, He then started dozing off while daddy read books so we layed him down in the bassinet, turned on his music, walked out and....??? No crying!! Well....about 10 mins later he cried BUT--- only for a few mins then he was asleep again and has been for 2 hours now! ITS WORKING!!!!!!!!!! It was sooo nice to sit on the couch, with hubby, knowing Remi was asleep for the night....and Mike and I had time to ourselves finally! What did we do?? Welllll...we actually surfed the net!! We looked up funny websites. It's been a great night. Both Mike and I feel so successful and proud.
GOAL NUMBER TWO - nursing - UPDATE
Well- the days' bottle count?? two bottles total!! He nursed on me all day! WOO!!! Looks like he's getting back to nursing on me rather then wanting the bottle. I'm so happy that He's weaning back...I don't want to give up on breast feeding yet so I'm so glad I didn't have to stop breast feeding ( I was preparing to stop since Remi wanted nothing to do with me). This makes me a really happy Mommy :)
Things are working out just fine :)
Things are going great!!! Remi didn't take a long nap today so by the time it was bed time, he was ready. We did our usual night routine: bath, read books, listen to music and then lights out. He loved the bath- we played and talked, He then started dozing off while daddy read books so we layed him down in the bassinet, turned on his music, walked out and....??? No crying!! Well....about 10 mins later he cried BUT--- only for a few mins then he was asleep again and has been for 2 hours now! ITS WORKING!!!!!!!!!! It was sooo nice to sit on the couch, with hubby, knowing Remi was asleep for the night....and Mike and I had time to ourselves finally! What did we do?? Welllll...we actually surfed the net!! We looked up funny websites. It's been a great night. Both Mike and I feel so successful and proud.
GOAL NUMBER TWO - nursing - UPDATE
Well- the days' bottle count?? two bottles total!! He nursed on me all day! WOO!!! Looks like he's getting back to nursing on me rather then wanting the bottle. I'm so happy that He's weaning back...I don't want to give up on breast feeding yet so I'm so glad I didn't have to stop breast feeding ( I was preparing to stop since Remi wanted nothing to do with me). This makes me a really happy Mommy :)
Things are working out just fine :)
GOAL NUMBER TWO- Nursing
When Remi was sick, he had trouble eating. In fact- he wasn't eating. He was only eating 3 times a day and was actually losing weight. Nursing made his ear infections hurt even more due to the hard sucking and jaw movement. We had to resort to a bottle a few times a day to help him eat. Since then, He is starting to prefer bottle over boob. I'm not ready to give up breast feeding yet. I know I have a good supply 'cause when I do get the chance to nurse him, he fills up and is satisfied. I'm not against the bottle-- I just rather breast feed at this point.
**So my plan is -- Wean him back to the boob by alternating boob- bottle every other feeding. Slowly, I'll nurse more then bottle feed.
The thing is- my let down doesn't come super fast. Its very slow- so once he latches, it takes almost a minute for my let down to happen. By then, Remi is frustrated, hungry and rather have the bottle whom puts out immediately. So I've got to figure out a way to get him to latch, stay latched and help him wait for my milk to come down BEFORE he gets frustrated and gives up.
DAY ONE (this was actually 2 days ago) I put milk in a syringe and squirted milk in Remis mouth just as I latched him on- (hoping he'd think the milk was coming out of my boob.)But would quickly pull off. I then squirt milk in his mouth again, latched him and waited. After about 5 times- My milk finally came down and he nursed the rest of the way.
*I did this for the rest of the day, during each feeding. He nurse on me 3 times in a row!! (The most he's nursed in over a week)
DAY TWO- I found a trick-- get him latched BEFORE he was actually hungry. I figured out that once he was crying due to being hungry- it was too late. You could only satisfy him with a bottle. So- I'd time it- every 2 hours I would latch him whether he was hungry or not. We had success just about every time! The only problem was my damn 'let down' not coming quick enough. He'd get frustrated and fight with me a bit but once my milk came in, he stayed latched.
*I did this for the whole day and ended up having to give him only 2 bottles the whole day - all the other feedings he nursed!!* YAY!!!
DAY THREE( today ) Remi woke up around 4am to eat. I latched him right away-- no problems what so ever!!! Went back to sleep and was up again around 7 to nurse. This time, he wanted nothing to do with my LEFT boob- but latched right away to my RIGHT boob. But- after nursing and draining that side, I latched him right away, no problems, to my left side. Weirdo! Same thing happened around 10- wanted nothing to do with the left boob at first, latched right away on the right side - and then had a second helping of milk finally on the left side. --Guess I'll start with the right side from now on. *I did have to give him a bottle today though- I was almost out the door for lunch and he refused my boobs all together! So I gave him the break and gave him a bottle.*
*** I also started taking Fenugreek yesterday! I'm hoping that helps with my "let down" issue and makes it happen more quickly.
SO far- I'm happy with both my goals!!
**So my plan is -- Wean him back to the boob by alternating boob- bottle every other feeding. Slowly, I'll nurse more then bottle feed.
The thing is- my let down doesn't come super fast. Its very slow- so once he latches, it takes almost a minute for my let down to happen. By then, Remi is frustrated, hungry and rather have the bottle whom puts out immediately. So I've got to figure out a way to get him to latch, stay latched and help him wait for my milk to come down BEFORE he gets frustrated and gives up.
DAY ONE (this was actually 2 days ago) I put milk in a syringe and squirted milk in Remis mouth just as I latched him on- (hoping he'd think the milk was coming out of my boob.)But would quickly pull off. I then squirt milk in his mouth again, latched him and waited. After about 5 times- My milk finally came down and he nursed the rest of the way.
*I did this for the rest of the day, during each feeding. He nurse on me 3 times in a row!! (The most he's nursed in over a week)
DAY TWO- I found a trick-- get him latched BEFORE he was actually hungry. I figured out that once he was crying due to being hungry- it was too late. You could only satisfy him with a bottle. So- I'd time it- every 2 hours I would latch him whether he was hungry or not. We had success just about every time! The only problem was my damn 'let down' not coming quick enough. He'd get frustrated and fight with me a bit but once my milk came in, he stayed latched.
*I did this for the whole day and ended up having to give him only 2 bottles the whole day - all the other feedings he nursed!!* YAY!!!
DAY THREE( today ) Remi woke up around 4am to eat. I latched him right away-- no problems what so ever!!! Went back to sleep and was up again around 7 to nurse. This time, he wanted nothing to do with my LEFT boob- but latched right away to my RIGHT boob. But- after nursing and draining that side, I latched him right away, no problems, to my left side. Weirdo! Same thing happened around 10- wanted nothing to do with the left boob at first, latched right away on the right side - and then had a second helping of milk finally on the left side. --Guess I'll start with the right side from now on. *I did have to give him a bottle today though- I was almost out the door for lunch and he refused my boobs all together! So I gave him the break and gave him a bottle.*
*** I also started taking Fenugreek yesterday! I'm hoping that helps with my "let down" issue and makes it happen more quickly.
SO far- I'm happy with both my goals!!
GOAL NUMBER ONE - sleep schedule
So Remi is approaching 4 months and he is some-what on a schedule. He goes to bed at a certain time, wakes up at a certain time and I can predict his nap times. BUT---for this past week or so, none of this happens unless we rock him to sleep in our arms. I don't want my kid to be 'one of those' kids that you have to rock to sleep. I want my kid to be the type of kid that goes to bed when you put them to bed- no rocking needed.
SO- here is goal Number 1 - SLEEP GOAL- let Remi pretty much "cry it out" 'till he falls asleep. Yea I know I know....that sounds horrible right? See-once hes starts to doze off in my arms, I gently lay him down in his swing or bouncer or bassinet and --- he wakes up!!!! I rock him, he falls asleep, I lay him down- he crys (repeat) I DON'T WANT THIS!! I would love to just put him down to nap/sleep and he SLEEPS!!!! NO rocking, No bouncing, and yea- an occasional (slight) cry -
**so-- my plan is -- When is nap time or bed time is approaching and Remi is starting to doze off in my arms, I will lay him down. If and WHEN if starts crying, I will let him cry! I want him to know that He can sleep without him having to be held or rocked. After 20 or so minutes, if he is still crying- I'll pick him up- comfort him and try it all over again.
DAY ONE- Yesterday was day one of this goal-
NAP TIME- I layed him down as soon as he started dozing off- he cried for 30 mins and finally fell asleep and took a 3 hour nap.
BEDTIME- he started dozing in my arms so I layed him down in his bassinet- he only cried for 15 mins and fell asleep and STAYED asleep for 9 hours!!
DAY TWO - NAP TIME- Started to doze off and get super cranky so I put him in his swing. This time he was out in less then 5 minutes!!
The next challenge will be bed time again. Although it breaks my heart to let him scream and cry, I know this will be better for him in the end. He won't feel like he HAS to be rocked to sleep. This will make him on a sort of schedule and help him learn when its time to sleep.
SO- here is goal Number 1 - SLEEP GOAL- let Remi pretty much "cry it out" 'till he falls asleep. Yea I know I know....that sounds horrible right? See-once hes starts to doze off in my arms, I gently lay him down in his swing or bouncer or bassinet and --- he wakes up!!!! I rock him, he falls asleep, I lay him down- he crys (repeat) I DON'T WANT THIS!! I would love to just put him down to nap/sleep and he SLEEPS!!!! NO rocking, No bouncing, and yea- an occasional (slight) cry -
**so-- my plan is -- When is nap time or bed time is approaching and Remi is starting to doze off in my arms, I will lay him down. If and WHEN if starts crying, I will let him cry! I want him to know that He can sleep without him having to be held or rocked. After 20 or so minutes, if he is still crying- I'll pick him up- comfort him and try it all over again.
DAY ONE- Yesterday was day one of this goal-
NAP TIME- I layed him down as soon as he started dozing off- he cried for 30 mins and finally fell asleep and took a 3 hour nap.
BEDTIME- he started dozing in my arms so I layed him down in his bassinet- he only cried for 15 mins and fell asleep and STAYED asleep for 9 hours!!
DAY TWO - NAP TIME- Started to doze off and get super cranky so I put him in his swing. This time he was out in less then 5 minutes!!
The next challenge will be bed time again. Although it breaks my heart to let him scream and cry, I know this will be better for him in the end. He won't feel like he HAS to be rocked to sleep. This will make him on a sort of schedule and help him learn when its time to sleep.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
"It's my blog and I can vent if I want to"
At times, it feels like my life or my world around me is wanting me to fail; Like too many challenges are happening but my will power, my strength isn't enough to overcome all of them. I wish to be the best wife for my husband and the best mother to my son but right now, it feels as if I'm failing.
For years, we have been in a financial crunch. We don't make the best money, we have credit card debt and we have stacks and stacks of medical bills totaling over 5 thousand dollars (thanks to endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, infertility, birth and Remis medical issues). We seem to always be behind on at least one bill each month (not including medical bills)
This past month has been the biggest challenge so far. Remi was sick for 2 weeks and in and out of the doctors and hospital at least every 3 days. My job, again, has no work for me. Mikes promotion has been postponed yet even longer. Remi is deciding he no longer wants to nurse, never sleep and/or only sleep if we are holding him. Our bills are getting behind again and I weigh the most I've ever weighed in my life.
I feel like I just want to say "F everything" and let everything go...let everything fail around me because everything is getting way out of hand. How will we ever recover? How can we get out of debt with no money in the bank? How can I work and pay for a sitter at the same time?
I look at my husband and I so desperately want to be the person he fell in love with. I want him to be happy to be married to me. I want him to want to cuddle with me, make love to me and to want to be with me forever. I want the 'love' we had 5 years ago when we met, the puppy dog eyes, the butterflies in the tummy and the giggling. But every chance we get alone- we discuss bills, chores, baby, and life. We don't discuss each other anymore. I miss that. How can I get that back? I want to- but when I feel the time is right- life brings me back down to the ground by shoving bills or other obstacles in my face.
And then theres Remi- I just wish to the be the best mom, to be a mom he looks up to, and someone who he knows loves him. I fought to get him here for over a year. Went through more challenges then I ever had to get him here. But I feel like I'm not being the best mother to him. By the end of the day, Im so exhausted, so tired of hearing him cry that I just want to put him in another room and get away from him. But then by the morning, I feel so guilty for thinking that. And then again I think about all the trouble I went through to get him here, only to be 'tired' of him already? Its not right...
I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Whether it be postpartum depression or just a stressful life, I don't feel like I'm making the best out of it. Being a first time mom is hard. Its confusing, its hard, its emotional, its challenging, its exhausting. It is an amazing opportunity but it truly is a hard thing. I've never felt so many emotions in such little time.
I don't know who I am anymore. I'm defiantly not who I was 2 years ago...so who am I now? I don't know what I want in life, what I 'want to be', where I want to be. I don't know my hobbies - I'm not even sure I have any. I like being alone but yet I wish someone would ask me out to lunch. I just want 'ME' back....
I will be strong...I will get through this. Life is only as hard as you make it right???
For years, we have been in a financial crunch. We don't make the best money, we have credit card debt and we have stacks and stacks of medical bills totaling over 5 thousand dollars (thanks to endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, infertility, birth and Remis medical issues). We seem to always be behind on at least one bill each month (not including medical bills)
This past month has been the biggest challenge so far. Remi was sick for 2 weeks and in and out of the doctors and hospital at least every 3 days. My job, again, has no work for me. Mikes promotion has been postponed yet even longer. Remi is deciding he no longer wants to nurse, never sleep and/or only sleep if we are holding him. Our bills are getting behind again and I weigh the most I've ever weighed in my life.
I feel like I just want to say "F everything" and let everything go...let everything fail around me because everything is getting way out of hand. How will we ever recover? How can we get out of debt with no money in the bank? How can I work and pay for a sitter at the same time?
I look at my husband and I so desperately want to be the person he fell in love with. I want him to be happy to be married to me. I want him to want to cuddle with me, make love to me and to want to be with me forever. I want the 'love' we had 5 years ago when we met, the puppy dog eyes, the butterflies in the tummy and the giggling. But every chance we get alone- we discuss bills, chores, baby, and life. We don't discuss each other anymore. I miss that. How can I get that back? I want to- but when I feel the time is right- life brings me back down to the ground by shoving bills or other obstacles in my face.
And then theres Remi- I just wish to the be the best mom, to be a mom he looks up to, and someone who he knows loves him. I fought to get him here for over a year. Went through more challenges then I ever had to get him here. But I feel like I'm not being the best mother to him. By the end of the day, Im so exhausted, so tired of hearing him cry that I just want to put him in another room and get away from him. But then by the morning, I feel so guilty for thinking that. And then again I think about all the trouble I went through to get him here, only to be 'tired' of him already? Its not right...
I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Whether it be postpartum depression or just a stressful life, I don't feel like I'm making the best out of it. Being a first time mom is hard. Its confusing, its hard, its emotional, its challenging, its exhausting. It is an amazing opportunity but it truly is a hard thing. I've never felt so many emotions in such little time.
I don't know who I am anymore. I'm defiantly not who I was 2 years ago...so who am I now? I don't know what I want in life, what I 'want to be', where I want to be. I don't know my hobbies - I'm not even sure I have any. I like being alone but yet I wish someone would ask me out to lunch. I just want 'ME' back....
I will be strong...I will get through this. Life is only as hard as you make it right???
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I love my boy
Motherhood is funny. There are those moments that you just wish your baby would fall asleep 'cause you need a break from the crying, the feedings, the diaper changes and the constant 'to do's. Then when they fall asleep- you're bored and wishing they were awake again. Within minutes, you start missing there little voice, those adorable smiles and the bonding moments. Motherhood is, well amazing!
I love my little prince more the words can say. He drives me crazy at times. He's going through the phase this week that he will only sleep/fall asleep if I'm holding him. The first few days it drove me crazy!! But now - as I sit here thinking about how fast time is flying, I now just wish I could sit here and hold him like this forever. I love that he NEEDS me right now, that he WANTS me right now....'cause in a few months- he'll be too busy to even notice me :) I have to learn to stop, relax and enjoy these moments. Soon enough, he'll be off to kindergarten and won't want mommy kisses anymore. So until then- I'm going to hold my baby as much as he wants me too!!
I love my little prince more the words can say. He drives me crazy at times. He's going through the phase this week that he will only sleep/fall asleep if I'm holding him. The first few days it drove me crazy!! But now - as I sit here thinking about how fast time is flying, I now just wish I could sit here and hold him like this forever. I love that he NEEDS me right now, that he WANTS me right now....'cause in a few months- he'll be too busy to even notice me :) I have to learn to stop, relax and enjoy these moments. Soon enough, he'll be off to kindergarten and won't want mommy kisses anymore. So until then- I'm going to hold my baby as much as he wants me too!!
Self weaning??
While Remi was sick these last two weeks, it hurt him even more to lay down to breast feed and on top of that he was only eating 3 times a day. So I would offer him a formula bottle (my pump isn't strong enough to get my milk out) if he seemed like breastfeeding was hurting his ears. Well lately, he seems to be rejecting my boobs altogether! Its super frustrating because I pictured myself breast feeding for a long time. But now-- he wants nothing to do with them. I know I have milk in them 'cause I can self express it out. He will latch for about 3 mins then kick and scream and fight with me on it. I try for another 10 mins to get him back on but he just fights it. I offer him the bottle on "Wa-La" - hes happy. If I catch him before hes 'screaming hungry" then he'll latch on. But if I catch him too late- he wants milk NOW- aka- bottle.
Maybe my supply is low? I do know that my let down takes like a whole minute to happen AFTER he starts sucking so he gets super frustrated right off the bat because there is nothing there at first, whereas the bottle is there immediately.
Oh I don't know what to do. I'm going to continue what I'm doing I guess. I'll offer him my boobs at first and go from there.
Any suggestions?
Maybe my supply is low? I do know that my let down takes like a whole minute to happen AFTER he starts sucking so he gets super frustrated right off the bat because there is nothing there at first, whereas the bottle is there immediately.
Oh I don't know what to do. I'm going to continue what I'm doing I guess. I'll offer him my boobs at first and go from there.
Any suggestions?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
A Mothers Guilt
So I know, from my own experience, when your baby is sick and needing medical attention you quickly tell the doctors "Do whatever you need to do, just make him better!"
I seem to be swallowing those words right now.
I've been told by my friends and family over the past 48 hours that we did the right thing. But as a Mother, my heart hurts for my son.
He still cries 'cause he's in pain..not from the infection but from the 4-5 needle holes in his body. He's got one in his back from the spinal tap, one in his head from the IVs, one in his thigh from an antibiotic shot, and one in his hand from when they tried to start an IV but blew the vein. His body is bruised. His body is sore from nurses holding him down while he had needles shoved in his spine and head. How awful am I to say "yes" to all of that! To say yes to having needles enter his spine. I can remember so clearly how bad my epidural hurt in my back and how long it hurt afterwards...I can only imagine how bad it hurts on his tiny body.
I broke down last night. I finally let myself cry. I couldn't be strong anymore. I needed to cry FOR him. I heard him cry...and I lost it. I reached the point that I was so tired of him hurting. I went to get him help; to stop him hurting yet he had to endure more pain for that to even happen. I just feel it was way to much for my tiny baby, ANY tiny baby to have gone through. I can't lose the image of the 2 nurses holding him down with all their force, him screaming so loud that he wasn't even making a sound after a few mins, the doctors shaky hands inserting a 4 inch needle into his tiny back. I can't stopping thinking about the needle going into his scalp, his blood dripping down his soft fuzzy brown hair. Worst of all, I can't stop thinking about Remi staring me in the eyes when all this was happening as if he were saying "Make it stop Mommy". I feel awful. I feel guilty. I feel like it was my fault that he had to go through all that pain. And even thought its all over with - he is still hurting.
I want to lose those images in my head of his face, beat red, screaming at that top of his lungs. I want to forget everything that happened that day. I never want to hear my baby cry and scream the way he did that night.
I want this guilt to go away....I know I did the right thing in getting him help....but yet- I feel like it was me who put him through the pain.
Sincerely,
Guilt
Monday, March 14, 2011
Remi goes to the hospital-
Remi started to feel very warm to the touch this morning. We checked his temp and it was 99. We didn't worry, gave him tylenol and l put him down to bed. We checked on him an hour later and his temp went up to 100. We started getting a little worried since his temp was rising even on tylenol. We checked his temp 20 mins later and it spiked to 101. We immediately called his Doc and they said take him to ER. They took his temp as soon as we arrived and it was now up to 102!! Lets just say, things moved pretty fast after this. They admitted him right away and the room flooded with doctors. They explained they would be testing for meningitis, pneumonia, and sepsis. This means he was about to get an X-ray of his lungs, blood draw and worst of all- a spinal tap. We freaked!! Once again-things moved really fast.
The spinal tap was first - that was the worst thing I could have ever witnessed. The scream that I heard come out of my precious innocent boy was sad enough to even make the nurses tear up. Two nurses held him down while the doctor did the procedure and another 2 nurses were handing the doctor the necessary tools and hubby a sat in the corner holding each other tight. Everyone was in masks and gowns. The room looked and felt so cold. It only took about 15 mins from start to finish but ....I don't wish that on anyone.
Next was the blood draw and starting an IV line. They couldn't get a line in in any of his veins on his hands or arms after trying a few times....so they went for the scalp. OMG! Talk about another horrible horrible sound come out of this tiny little baby.
Finally the X-ray. Hubby couldn't go with us so I had to do this one alone. They stuck my poor naked baby in what looked like "the clear tube thing they have at the drive through ATMS"- They jammed him in this thing with his arms raised above his head and took a few pictures. He was screaming so loud....and because it was an xray, I wasn't able to hold him to comfort him.
We were then finally allowed to lay in bed and hold our baby without anyone poking him. They started up his IVs- saline and an antibiotic- and finally gave Remi some Tylenol to help his fever. He fell right to sleep and that was the best sight after what he'd just been through.
Good news and Bad news- He tested negative for all the 'bad stuff' BUT-- he has a super bad infection in his tiny body along with the 'ol mighty ear infection. They are now looking into if this infection is in his blood stream and/or what type of virus it is.
I wish I could change places with him..........
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Antibiotic Resistant??
This weekend was tough. Remis ear infection is STILLLL NOT GONE!! Last time I blogged, we had just started his 2nd antibiotic. Well, another 5 days passed and Remi didn't seem any better. I called his doc to ask for advice and they immediately said to bring him in.They checked his ear and was shocked when they saw his ear infection was still there..and no where close to getting better. They recommended injections- antibiotics given through a shot. Yikes! But we were going to do what was needed to make our sweet baby feel better. So 5 mins later they gave him a shot of Rocefin. I am super allergic to most antibiotics so with that precaution, they had us stay in the room for an additional 30 mins to watch for reactions. This was a pretty harsh and strong antibiotic for a baby so they wanted to cover all ends. Then- they also recommended we start a 4th oral antibiotic the following night (this all happened Friday). We talked about his infection or even his body being resistant to antibiotics, which in rare cases it happens in 10% of babies. Our goal was for him to start feeling better by the next day or Monday at the latest. If in fact he was not better by Monday, we will have to schedule an apt with a specialist, ENT, to discuss further treatment/options.
It is now Sunday, and I can't say he's doing better but he isn't worse. He still grabs his ear, cries a bit and isn't eating. Hes ate one time between midnight and 2pm. He has also been sleeping alot today- since midnight,woke up once for 30 mins and is now back asleep. I am still contemplating whether to make an ENT apt whether or not he is feeling better by the morning. My concern is- he hasn't made a noise (other then crying). He was a super vocal baby but ever since he came down with this infection, he hasn't made a peep. I'm worried that this may have caused hearing damage.
I guess its a waiting game. The next 24 hours will be super important.
It is now Sunday, and I can't say he's doing better but he isn't worse. He still grabs his ear, cries a bit and isn't eating. Hes ate one time between midnight and 2pm. He has also been sleeping alot today- since midnight,woke up once for 30 mins and is now back asleep. I am still contemplating whether to make an ENT apt whether or not he is feeling better by the morning. My concern is- he hasn't made a noise (other then crying). He was a super vocal baby but ever since he came down with this infection, he hasn't made a peep. I'm worried that this may have caused hearing damage.
I guess its a waiting game. The next 24 hours will be super important.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Complaints
One thing I always told myself while pregnant was to 'not complain about being pregnant'! Why would I try for over a year, pay thousands of dollars for fertility aids and specialist, grow a stock pile of "How to get knocked-up" type books, start collecting OPKs and EPTs, have a thermometer, graphs and and a calender as my night stands newest decor- only to complain about the outcome. I never understood why woman would try so hard to get pregnant to only complain about it when they finally were knocked up. Well, I admit- I had my moments of complaining. Being pregnant is hard! It sure is beautiful but damn- in reality- it aint pretty! You bleed, you cramp, your boobs are sore, you puke, you swell, your crotch hurts, your back aches, you can't see your feet let alone bend far enough to even touch them anymore. You spend more money in co-payments at the doctors then you do at the grocery store that month. And don't get me started on the stretch marks! They just aren't on your tummy- you get stretch marks in places you could never imagine! You hate sex but yet you get depressed when your husband turns you down. You have to buy a new wardrobe every month (there's a few 'pros' about that don't get me wrong). You establish your "favorite shirt of the month" 'cause by the following month, that once cute preggo shirt doesn't cover up your 'oh so expanding belly. Those high heels in your closet? Yea- they now have an inch of dust on them 'cause you can't even get your toes past the arch of the shoe. Say goodbye to Victoria Secret- those days are long gone lady! Oh- and bikinis? yea right! The only bikini style anything I'm wearing is "bikini style granny panties" I have learned to like that you buy in bags at Walmart. Again- goodbye Vicky. Lets talk about the comments "Oh, your getting huge!" Yea...okay- I understand I'm pregnant but can you not tell me how huge I really look? I mean, I'm already feeling like a massive hippopotamus on parade. And quick touching my belly- your getting my shirt dirty. I hated laying 'comfortably' in bed after 15 mins or so tossing side to side with my gigantic body pillow in between my legs to only realize I now have to pee. Then its a race to see if I can actually get out of bed fast enough without peeing my pants. Oh Pregnancy, how I wanted you so bad. Yes, I got a beautiful baby out of it but goodness- "The Baby" is now a whole other chapter....don't get me started on how blissful it is to have a precious newborn. I've never been so tired, stressed and frustrated in my life!
Woo...okay- that felt great to get all that out! I must also say though- being pregnant was the most amazing feeling ever. To wake up each morning to my growing belly and my sweet child inside me, knowing I was creating the next generation in my very own body, that I beat the odds the doctors gave me, that I in fact- would be called Mommy sooner then later - is surreal! Those days that I got to see my sweet son on screen, to see his toes that I created, to see him move his arms and legs and feel them at the same time, to know that he was mine were some of the best days of my life. I remember as a little girl, stuffing pillows underneath my barbie pajama top and pretending and imagining what it would be like to be pregnant. I had lists of names picked out since I was 10. I even started collecting baby things when I met my husband for I knew, having a baby was on the list. Being pregnant was what I had worked for, dreamed for, hoped for and wished for. Being pregnant in all do respect- Amazing! To be the only one to really feel him moving, the first one to really bond with the little person, to know that I was the key to his life and to already love someone whom I've never met is priceless.
Now that I sit here, my stomach only filled with tonight's dinner, I sit and think about my pregnancy journey. I already miss my swelling feet, the mornings that I couldn't get out of bed without puking, the random people at Walmart that would ask "When are you due", the doctors apts, seeing my round belly in my shadow on the sidewalk, the days that I needed my husbands help just to get up off the couch, the anticipation of what to expect, and the love you feel for someone who can fit in the palm of your hand.
Pregnancy is truly Amazing. You may hate it at first, but once its over and you see the beautiful masterpiece you created, you'll want to do it all over again.
Woo...okay- that felt great to get all that out! I must also say though- being pregnant was the most amazing feeling ever. To wake up each morning to my growing belly and my sweet child inside me, knowing I was creating the next generation in my very own body, that I beat the odds the doctors gave me, that I in fact- would be called Mommy sooner then later - is surreal! Those days that I got to see my sweet son on screen, to see his toes that I created, to see him move his arms and legs and feel them at the same time, to know that he was mine were some of the best days of my life. I remember as a little girl, stuffing pillows underneath my barbie pajama top and pretending and imagining what it would be like to be pregnant. I had lists of names picked out since I was 10. I even started collecting baby things when I met my husband for I knew, having a baby was on the list. Being pregnant was what I had worked for, dreamed for, hoped for and wished for. Being pregnant in all do respect- Amazing! To be the only one to really feel him moving, the first one to really bond with the little person, to know that I was the key to his life and to already love someone whom I've never met is priceless.
Now that I sit here, my stomach only filled with tonight's dinner, I sit and think about my pregnancy journey. I already miss my swelling feet, the mornings that I couldn't get out of bed without puking, the random people at Walmart that would ask "When are you due", the doctors apts, seeing my round belly in my shadow on the sidewalk, the days that I needed my husbands help just to get up off the couch, the anticipation of what to expect, and the love you feel for someone who can fit in the palm of your hand.
Pregnancy is truly Amazing. You may hate it at first, but once its over and you see the beautiful masterpiece you created, you'll want to do it all over again.
Chaning things up in 'here'
So I'm changing things up in here. I want to talk about other things: about true confessions of a new mommy. I will still post fun things about Remi but I'm going to keep it real. I've been doing lots of thinking, lots of reflecting and although I write this blog so that I have every single 'thing' Remi does on writing, I also want to remember my thoughts and feelings as I grow as a new mom. I want to look back and see precious memories of my son but I also want to reflect on myself. I want to look back at where I was and be proud at how far I've come.
So stay tuned-- this could get interesting.......
So stay tuned-- this could get interesting.......
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A Bad Day...
This morning I cried for Remi. He is still in pain from his ear infection. 5 days after starting the antibiotics, he is STILL in pain! He cried. I cried. I just wish I can take his pain away from him. I didn’t know what else to do today but sit with him, hold him and cry with him. I hurt just as much as he does. I’m his mommy-- aren’t I supposed to fix him? Keep him safe? Keep him from getting hurt? I am so sad that I couldn’t help him….
I called Mike this morning and told him he needed to come home. Remi and I needed him. Remi hadn’t slept more then 2 hours TOTAL then entire night. He cried all night. So I decided to call Remis doctor to tell her that I just KNOW Remis infection isn’t better. So they said to bring him in.
Sure enough- Remis ear infection is worse!! And now his other ear is starting to hurt too. His poor nose is stuffy but his lungs are clear!! So doctor Melanie prescribed a stronger antibiotic, some baby Tylenol with Codeine and some number ear drops. It was a ‘hard’ appointment though. He screamed bloody murder as she was inspecting his ears. SHE was even holding him, trying to comfort him but no one could - he was just hurting so bad.
After picking up his prescriptions, we gave Remi his new antibiotic and his ear numbing drops- saving the Tylenol with codeine for last resort. Well, those numbing drops did nothing for him so we opted to give him the Tylenol. Within 10 mins, we had our happy baby back! He was finally pain free! We were so happy! We held him tight, showed him things around the house, played toys with him and then he finally fell asleep!!!!!!!! My poor baby is finally sleeping with no pain!
I hope these meds help him fast….
I called Mike this morning and told him he needed to come home. Remi and I needed him. Remi hadn’t slept more then 2 hours TOTAL then entire night. He cried all night. So I decided to call Remis doctor to tell her that I just KNOW Remis infection isn’t better. So they said to bring him in.
Sure enough- Remis ear infection is worse!! And now his other ear is starting to hurt too. His poor nose is stuffy but his lungs are clear!! So doctor Melanie prescribed a stronger antibiotic, some baby Tylenol with Codeine and some number ear drops. It was a ‘hard’ appointment though. He screamed bloody murder as she was inspecting his ears. SHE was even holding him, trying to comfort him but no one could - he was just hurting so bad.
After picking up his prescriptions, we gave Remi his new antibiotic and his ear numbing drops- saving the Tylenol with codeine for last resort. Well, those numbing drops did nothing for him so we opted to give him the Tylenol. Within 10 mins, we had our happy baby back! He was finally pain free! We were so happy! We held him tight, showed him things around the house, played toys with him and then he finally fell asleep!!!!!!!! My poor baby is finally sleeping with no pain!
I hope these meds help him fast….
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| All the medicine he has to take :( |
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| Suggeling with my little prince |
Monday, March 7, 2011
To the Park we go!
On Sunday, in the short time that Remi felt "okay" - we took a quick trip to the park. He sure loved it!! Although maybe we should have stayed home 'cause now I believe he has a double ear infection :(
Back to work...
Sorta....
I went to work today for 2 hours :) I take care of elderly and that is the only hours they had for me so I decided to take it and 'take a break'. It felt great to get out of the house and actually do something. My mom watched Remi while I was gone so I wasn't worried at at all. I will work again on Thursday, for just an hour. I'm sure I'll slowley get more hours but for now, this is good enough.
Starting on Tuesdays, I will be babysitting another baby here at home! My friend Jocelyn's 2 month old baby girl. Her and Remi are actually just 3 weeks apart. So tomorrow will be busy for me- 2 babies under 3 months old! I'm super excited though, it breaks up the week and gives me something else to look forward too!
As for Remi, I think his ear infection has now spread to his left ear as well. He continuously grabs both of them. Its so sad to hear his cry and watch him grab his ears....I know he is thinking "Ouchy Mommy"...I just wish I could help him- better yet- that these darn antibiotics would kick in faster.
I went to work today for 2 hours :) I take care of elderly and that is the only hours they had for me so I decided to take it and 'take a break'. It felt great to get out of the house and actually do something. My mom watched Remi while I was gone so I wasn't worried at at all. I will work again on Thursday, for just an hour. I'm sure I'll slowley get more hours but for now, this is good enough.
Starting on Tuesdays, I will be babysitting another baby here at home! My friend Jocelyn's 2 month old baby girl. Her and Remi are actually just 3 weeks apart. So tomorrow will be busy for me- 2 babies under 3 months old! I'm super excited though, it breaks up the week and gives me something else to look forward too!
As for Remi, I think his ear infection has now spread to his left ear as well. He continuously grabs both of them. Its so sad to hear his cry and watch him grab his ears....I know he is thinking "Ouchy Mommy"...I just wish I could help him- better yet- that these darn antibiotics would kick in faster.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
3 months old today!
Weight: He weighs 11.3 pounds! ( less then 5th% tile)
Height: He is 23 inches ( 5th% tile)
Head Size: 15 inches ( less then 3rd% tile)
Diaper Size: size 1 diapers
Clothes Size: Some newborn and some 0-3 months
Sleep: He goes to bed around 9pm, wakes up to nurse around 3am, nurses at 7am then up for the day at 9am. Naps for a few hours from about 12pm to 4pm , awake the rest of the evening ‘till bedtime at 9pm
Favorite Activities: Remi loves walks! He loves to look at everything. He still loves bath time. He splishes and splashes. Remi loves being carried ‘football’ style around the house. He loves ‘watching’ the dogs play. He loves listening to music.
Favorite Toys: He has this colorful book that makes crinkle noises and for some reason, it makes him laugh! He loves the hoop things that you can chain together. He loves the mobile on his swing. He loves watching the lights blink on his play mat and he has these 2 rattles- blue and green- that he hangs on too and shakes like crazy!
Eating: Still breast feeding!! Woo!! He nurses about every 3-4 hours and goes a little longer at night
Talking: Oh boy!! This kid talks up a storm!
Milestones: He’s starting to reach for things like toys and hands. He can stand on his legs super well!! He can sit up pretty well now, not on his own, but he can sit on the couch like a ‘big kid’. He eats his hands all the time!! His hands are now always slobbery.
At our visit to the Urgent Care the other night (its his pediatricians office that turns into an Urgent Care at night) while the doctor was examining his ears, Remi started literally cracking up laughing! The doctor was laughing back and Remi would laugh even harder. She was pretty shocked on how he was laughing for apparently it is rare for a 3 month old be laugh like that at things. She commented on what a cute personality he has . Needless to say, Mike and I felt very proud at that moment.
Also, I have to brag about my “Mommy Instincts” that day. I just KNEW something was wrong with him but when I asked friends if newborns can get ear infections, every one told me no. BUT-- I had the gut feeling, mommy instinct, that he had an ear infection. So when the doctor diagnosed him with one, I felt a sort of pride. It felt good that I already “knew” my baby well enough that I could tell something was wrong.
Remi is doing just fabulous! He’s becoming so much fun! Its fun to get him to laugh at things and “talk back”. He loves color! His room is super colorful so we take him in there when hes fussy and he immediately stops crying and just looks around at everything.
We still can’t figure out what his hair color is. It’s brown in the shade but red in the light. His eyes are still SUPER blue, a light blue. His lips are getting bigger!! I have to trim his fingernails just about 2 times a week…but yet have never had to trim his toenails.
He’s our little Prince Charming!!! Wouldn’t trade him for anything!!
Height: He is 23 inches ( 5th% tile)
Head Size: 15 inches ( less then 3rd% tile)
Diaper Size: size 1 diapers
Clothes Size: Some newborn and some 0-3 months
Sleep: He goes to bed around 9pm, wakes up to nurse around 3am, nurses at 7am then up for the day at 9am. Naps for a few hours from about 12pm to 4pm , awake the rest of the evening ‘till bedtime at 9pm
Favorite Activities: Remi loves walks! He loves to look at everything. He still loves bath time. He splishes and splashes. Remi loves being carried ‘football’ style around the house. He loves ‘watching’ the dogs play. He loves listening to music.
Favorite Toys: He has this colorful book that makes crinkle noises and for some reason, it makes him laugh! He loves the hoop things that you can chain together. He loves the mobile on his swing. He loves watching the lights blink on his play mat and he has these 2 rattles- blue and green- that he hangs on too and shakes like crazy!
Eating: Still breast feeding!! Woo!! He nurses about every 3-4 hours and goes a little longer at night
Talking: Oh boy!! This kid talks up a storm!
Milestones: He’s starting to reach for things like toys and hands. He can stand on his legs super well!! He can sit up pretty well now, not on his own, but he can sit on the couch like a ‘big kid’. He eats his hands all the time!! His hands are now always slobbery.
At our visit to the Urgent Care the other night (its his pediatricians office that turns into an Urgent Care at night) while the doctor was examining his ears, Remi started literally cracking up laughing! The doctor was laughing back and Remi would laugh even harder. She was pretty shocked on how he was laughing for apparently it is rare for a 3 month old be laugh like that at things. She commented on what a cute personality he has . Needless to say, Mike and I felt very proud at that moment.
Also, I have to brag about my “Mommy Instincts” that day. I just KNEW something was wrong with him but when I asked friends if newborns can get ear infections, every one told me no. BUT-- I had the gut feeling, mommy instinct, that he had an ear infection. So when the doctor diagnosed him with one, I felt a sort of pride. It felt good that I already “knew” my baby well enough that I could tell something was wrong.
Remi is doing just fabulous! He’s becoming so much fun! Its fun to get him to laugh at things and “talk back”. He loves color! His room is super colorful so we take him in there when hes fussy and he immediately stops crying and just looks around at everything.
We still can’t figure out what his hair color is. It’s brown in the shade but red in the light. His eyes are still SUPER blue, a light blue. His lips are getting bigger!! I have to trim his fingernails just about 2 times a week…but yet have never had to trim his toenails.
He’s our little Prince Charming!!! Wouldn’t trade him for anything!!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Visit to Urgant Care
Well, our weekend started out with an Urgant Care trip with Remington. He's been super cranky all day, not eating much (sometimes refusing my boobs all together), very sleepy and warm to the touch. This afternoon he started grabbing his right here as if he were trying to pull it off. He then became SUPER cranky, was doing the scream-cry non stop! As soon as I heard his cry, I knew something was wrong. It was the type of cry that just sounds like hes hurting or that he's just miserable. We took his rectal temp and it was 101. The first thought that came to mind was "Ear Infection"---sure enough-- he was diagnosed with an ear infection AND sinus infection!!!!! My poor baby :*( I started crying at the urgant care- my heart just sank when I realized he had been crying 'cause he was in pain. He is now on antibiotics for 10 days. Ever since we got home, the ONLY thing that will comfort him is if Me or Daddy hold him tight in our arms. As soon as we attempt to lay him down, he screams....and I mean SCREAMS!!! This will be a loooooong weekend. I just wish I could take his pain away......
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
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