Things are finally 'easy'

Remington is 8 weeks old today (even though my little ticker thingy doesn't say so). He now weighs about 9 lbs!
He's my big boy! Hes still in new born clothes and people still get shocked when I tell them he's almost 2 months old~
they STILL ask "Was he a premie?" ...I guess he's still tiny for his age.
Anyways- things are getting way easier! I'm finally learning how to manage my time a lot better. And of course my body
is finally getting used to sleeping just 4 hours at a time.
I am still breast feeding and going super strong! I absolutly love it! We've had a few public feedings. I was shy at first
but I've learned how to do it fast and discrete. It's sad that people stare and glare as if I'm doing something nasty.
Other then that- we've been doing fantastic!

Kids Club

Remi and I joined a "Kids Club" today at our local mall. Its a free day and time to bring the kids to socialize, dance and sing
with all the other kids. We get free food at Chick-fil-e and free carousel rides! Today was our first day and we had tons
of fun!!

~7 weeks~

Mr. Remington is 7 weeks old today!!!!!

Busy Busy Busy.....

The last two days have been busy!! I had my 6 week check up on Thursday. Doc just asked how I was feeling -inside and out- and
then talked to me about birth control. I was in and out of there in 5 mins!! I was more excited about showing Remi off
to the office whom I've been to every month (sometimes twice a month and more) for 5 years. They just loved Remi :)

Next was Remis scan on his spine this morning at the Childrens hospital. It was kinda scary checking in and getting
and arm bad with his name on it. We were walked into a small room with a HUGE bed. We had to undress little Remi and
put him belly down. He cried for about 2 mins but then once the warm ultrasound lube was on him-he calmed down.
They did an ultrasound from his tail bone all the way up to his neck. It was pretty cool seeing
his spine on the screen. The lady walked out of the room to give the scans to the doctor but came back 3 mins later and
said we were discharged! She told us that the scans looked perfect but would get 'official' results in 2 days. We then
had Remi weighed- he weighs 8lbs~ which is like the 5th percentile in weight :)

Last but not least~ Mike and I went out on a date for the first time without Remi. My sister offered to babysit for us
It was great!! We ate dinner at Olive Garden. Very weird (and nice) not having to worry about feedings and diaper.
We then went to walmart to pass the time. And of course we ended up in the baby dept. It was so much fun being with "just" hubby- we really needed this time.

Allin all- the last 24 hours have been busy but filled wtih fun and happy things :)s

*Happy Baby*

Remi was in his swing today and when I went to check on him, this is what I found!!!

I just can't get over this Cute boy!!! I love him sooooo much!!! I'm am soooo happy and super grateful and WAY in love with him!!!

We reached 6 weeks!

6 weeks ago today I was in labor and delivering the most amazing thing of my life-my precious son Remington. I'll say this every week I'm sure....but I'll say it again ~ I absolutely LOVE being a Mommy. It has its ups and downs but its wonderful.

Lets start off with Me. Luckily I'm not suffering from postpartum depression but I've got super duper bad anxiety. There are things that I would normally be fine with that are now 'working me up' into a panic. I hate it. I hate that I feel this way. I've tried talking to myself, asking myself why I feel like this but I can't find the answers. When I'm in a certain situation that 'I panic' with- I try to quietly calm myself down by telling myself 'its okay', but it doesn't work. I think I'll talk to my doctor about it on Thursday to see if he has any suggestions. This 'anxiety' is keeping me from things that I rather be apart of. Makes me sad.

Speaking of Thursday- I will have my 6 week check up. I'm still having some slight muscle pain 'down there'. I've also started bleeding again. It stopped around 4 weeks postpartum but has started again. I feel like I'm on my period but the bleeding isn't heavy at all- It's super light. My weight hasn't changed. I'm still down all my 'baby weight' but now I'm trying to lose the 'other' weight.

Baby Remington is doing fantastic!! The last 4 or so nights, he's been sleeping 5-6 hours straight: from about midnight to 6am - so basically hes sleeping through the night. It's wonderful!! I am still breast feeding and going strong! Although hes spitting up a lot after he feeds. Not sure whats causing that. Hes starting to smile when you talk to him. He follows objects super well and hes 'cooing' a lot! Last night, Remi and I took a bubble bath together. It was so relaxing for me and I'm sure it was for him too. He was so calm the entire time. I let his body float in the warm water and he just about fell asleep in it. I'm thinking this will be a weekly thing for us. It was truly a wonderful bonding experience for the both of us.

Friday is going to be stressful. Remi has his scan on his spine at the children's hospital. He has a "Pilonidal Dimple" or a hole on the bottom of his tail bone. I'm super nervous about it and just hoping everything turns out fine. Mike is taking the day off of course so we can go together. But after that's all done- we have a 'date' planned for that night. My sister has offered to babysit for us to give us a chance to go out, with out Remi, and have some time to ourselves (our first time out alone since he's been born) I'm really looking forward to it! I even bought a new outfit to wear that night! It will be great to have my hubby all to myself :)

Thats about it for now! Here are some pictures of Remis 5th week on earth =)

To be a mom.....

....is to have a never ending love for a human. It's to worry every second of the day, to double think everything I do. It's to always plan ahead for the future and to constantly have 'something to do'. To be a mom was my dream in life, my goal, my want, my wish and my need. I NEEDED to be a mom. I felt that I was born to be a mom. And obviously I did what I needed to do to become a mom. We have bills to prove it, the medicine bottles to prove it and the medical history to prove it- to prove that we would do anything to become parents to a sweet innocent child. I have never looked back. I have never thought 'should we have?' 'was it worth it?' nor have I ever said 'no' to the thought of bringing and raising a child into this world. We made the best decision of our lives.
To carry a child within your own body, to birth a child from your body, and to grow a child with your body is the most amazing, indescribable act of love a human can do. To sacrifice sleep, energy and your own life to protect, raise and love another is the biggest selfless act. And to prepare, teach and help a child grow into their own person is the most rewarding feeling.
I've always heard about 'the love' between a mother and her child and never thought twice about it until I experienced it myself.  It truly is the best love I've ever felt. I do love my husband, more then anything, but the love I have for Remington is, well indescribable. I'd give my life for him, I'd give my whole soul for him if it meant he'd have a chance to grow, to become an individual in this world. The love of a child is incredibly strong. My life has become my sons, and his life has become our whole world.

5 weeks!

Remington is 5 weeks old today!! He is doing fabulous and growing so fast! Here are some stats ( I meant to do this at his one month anniversary so expect all this again at his 2 month milestone)

Weight: Just under 7lbs ~ He was 5lbs 13oz at birth (I'm using my own scale so I can't get exact)

Height: 21 inches (he was 18 when born)

Diaper Size: We go back and forth between preemies and newborn

Clothes Size: He's definitly out of preemie and some newborn outfits are too big and most of the 0-3 month clothes fall off him

Sleep: He takes cat naps during the day. Bed time seems to be 11pm-ish and he goes about 5 hours without waking up. Then its back to every 3 hours or so. But hes getting his nights and days figured out I think (knock on wood)

Favorite activities: He is learning to like his swing and he loves laying in the boppy on the couch next to me. He also loves going for walks (we do that when he gets fussy) He LOVES bath time! He gets fussy when I'm getting him undressed for bath but as soon as the warm water hits him- he gets so content. He's actually almost fell asleep once.

Eating: We are breast feeding again after giving up the 2nd week (getting a little sore now though). He usually feeds every 2-3 hours during the day and about 4-5 hours at night. Every now and then when he wants my boob WAY too much, I'll give him a bottle of breast milk to give my poor boobs a break. OH and I also pump at least 4 times a day to help keep my frozen supply up.

Talking: It seems like hes using his voice a little bit. He cries of course but he also does these sweet little 'sighs' with his voice as he smiles. He giggles every now and then randomly. He is a grunter too! Grunts all the time!!

Adventures: Hes had a few 'dates' lately. My girlfriends have babies around the same age, and all girl babies, so we get together and have "play dates"...mostly for us Moms. But this past week we've had LOTS of visitors! Its fun showing him off :)

Hooray!!

So the other day, when nothing came out when I pumped, must have been a fluke after all!! I drank some water and took a hott shower that night and now were back to happily breastfeeding!! Its been a whole week now since we started up and both Remi and I love it! He latches SO well now (no sore nips) and he actually spits up milk in the end so I know he's getting enough.
I'm SO proud of myself for deciding to try breast feeding again...and so happy that its a success!! I don't like giving up on things...and wasn't going to give up on breast feeding with out a fight :) I WON this battle!!

And the walls come tumbling down.....

Breast feeding has been going SO perfect this last week! I was super happy and proud of myself that I decided to try it again. My nips were a little tender (what do you expect them to feel like when a little monster bites them!!) Anyways- today he seemed to not latch very quick, for very long or very good. I thought maybe he just wasn't hungry. Well this continued all day! Poor baby was crying like he was starving yet he wouldn't stay latched for more then 10 seconds at a time. I was getting so frustrated thinking that HE didn't want me anymore :( I finally gave in and fed him a bottle (of breast milk of course) while I pumped. He ended up sleeping for 3 hours and was so content!
The next feeding came around 3 hours later- I tried latching him....and nothing! He wouldn't stay on and would just cry. After 20 mins of trying to get him to latch- I was way to frustrated and I fed him a bottle. I went into my room and pumped.......but I was DRY AS A BONE!!!!! What the heck!! Just 3 hours prior I pumped 4 ounces and now there is nothing coming out! No wonder why Remi was so hungry and not latching- nothing was coming out.
I am so NOT happy right now...the saddest Ive been in awhile. What if this is 'the end' of breast feeding? Why can't I make milk for my baby? I feel so defeated. I thought I was on a role by breast feeding him again and now this? Its like someone just tripped me right before the finish line.
We have roughly 2 days worth of breast milk froze right now and I am soo sad that in just 2 days, he will be on formula. I know formula baby's are just fine....I just wished I could have provided breast milk longer.
Lets just hope its stress or something else that's causing this....if not-- I am going to have one hell of a weekend knowing my body has stopped working....

*Not a happy Mommy*

We're back to breast feeding!

I wanted to ONLY breast feed Remi....but after 2 weeks of doing so- my boobs hurt WAY too much and I cried and dreaded every feeding.
I ended up pumping instead. We've been bottle feeding him the breast milk for 2 weeks now (its great 'cause Mike can help feed too). BUT~ I got a wild hair the other day and decided to try to latch Remi again- SUCCESS!!! He latched right away! So we have been breast feeding again now for 3 days! My boobs are a little tender but I feel that he is latching better now then the first round 2 weeks ago. I would love to breast feed until I go back to work but we'll see. Either way~ I'm just happy that he is still getting breast milk at a month old.
When I was feeding him today, I noticed his hand was doing the "I LOVE YOU"  sign (sign language) right on my chest. I couldn't resist - had to take a picture :)

ONE MONTH- Let's reflect-

Today marks 4 weeks since Mr. Remington was born. What a month it was!!!! I can remember the exact moment that I knew I was in labor. I was so scared and excited! I remember the moment I walked into our bedroom to wake my sleeping husband to say "This is it!" I had waited 9 months to say those words.

Lets reflect on our past 4 weeks:

Week One~ The first week home with Remi was a blur!! A true learning experience though. We were in such 'awe' with our  new bundle that we didn't see much of the real world- unless someone came to us to visit. We must have only watched 1 hour of TV the whole week, only ate food that people brought to us (we didn't have to cook our own dinner for almost 2 weeks), took showers half asleep and realized that 'our life was now going to be busy'! We learned how to adapt to our new baby, we learned tricks to make our new life easier and we learned how to cope with 2 hours of sleep a night!!!!! Lets just say- the first week went super fast. Oh and Mike was sick- he actually got a cold while in the hospital, I got sick the last day I was at the hospital and my sweet baby was also sick. He had a pretty bad cold which made his nose super stuffy. We had to suction him every hour. He also had jaundice that we had to watch closely.

Week two~ We were severely sleep deprived. Mike had another week off. This was the week we took Remi out for the first time. It was super scary! We felt like the most protective parents ever! I basically gave up breastfeeding at this point but continued to pump so that Remi still received breast milk. It helped alot during the night hours when Mike could feed Remi from a bottle while I tried to get an extra 20mins of sleep in. Lots of visitors this week too!

Week three~  It was a mix between Christmas and Mike going back to work. I was nervous and hell when he went back to work but I actually did just fine. I managed to take a few naps during the day when Remi slept and could do maybe one chore a day. My body still wasn't feeling the best so I was pretty couched bound this week.

Week four~ This week was rough! I had my breaking point of hormones, emotions and was super sleep deprived. My body is finally feeling 'better' but I think my endometriosis is already coming back :( Mike seemed to take the lazy route this week leaving me with lots of things to do and basically feeling as if I was on my own with Remi. After days of crying and yelling- Mike woke up and started to help ALOT more! I actually got TONS of sleep this past weekend! I feel soooo refreshed. We did, however, have two scary incidents that happened. Remi choked on his spit-up and turned blue. Seeing your newborn baby not breathing and turning blue is the worst thing ever!! Luckily, a few good pats on the back worked and he was screaming once again. Then he rolled off the couch but Mikes hands caught him just as he hit the ground. Mikes hands acted as a cushion. He wasn't hurt. Like I said- he didn't hit the ground. But that was another 'wake up' call for us both.

Today Remi and I woke up early and got ALL the chores done FAST!! Two loads of laundry washed and put away, dishes done, vacuumed, straightened up the house, pumped and paid some bills and made some phone calls.  We'll go grocery shopping next!!
Things are becoming easier....now that I got some sleep over the weekend. I'm still not sure when I'll go back to work. I have 2 jobs waiting for me though whenever I do. I think it will all come down to finances that force me back. I have my 6 week check up with my OB in 2 weeks so I'll see what he says to do.....that is if my body is healed enough.
So that's our month!!!

New Born Pictures

I LOVE taking pictures and 'trying' to be a photographer with my $100 camera. We take pictures of everything!! We don't have the money to have professional pics taken so - we did them!! Just like my maternity pics and such. So here are a few of our favorites.

PS- Mike bought me a new camera for Christmas AND a tri-pod! So I'll only be getting better at this!!